I am – Hercules!!

“Deadwood’s” over. “Entourage” is over. “4400” is over. The Emmys are over. The VMAs are Thursday. New episodes of “Prison Break” and “Vanished” are already airing on Fox. Everybody’s getting antsy. They don’t want to miss shit. They can’t stand the thought of missing the season premieres of “Dateline NBC” and “Cops.” They need to program their TiVos.

So here we go.

Premieres by alphabet:
According To Jim (ABC) Dec. 6
All Of Us (CW) Oct. 1
Amazing Race (CBS) Sept. 17
America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC) Oct. 1
America’s Most Wanted (Fox) Sept. 9
America’s Next Top Model (CW) Sept. 20
American Dad (Fox) Sept. 10
American Idol (Fox) Jan. 16
Art of Betrayal (MyNet) Dec. 4
Bachelor (ABC) Oct. 2
Battlestar Galactica (SciFi) Oct. 6
Biggest Loser (NBC) Sept. 20
Bones (Fox) Aug. 30
Boston Legal (ABC) Sept. 19
Breaking Bonaduce (VH1) Oct. 22
Bridezillas (WE) Oct. 8
Brothers & Sisters (ABC) Sept. 24
Campus Ladies (Oxy) Oct. 1
Celebrity Duets (Fox) Aug. 29
Class (CBS) Sept. 18
Close to Home (CBS) Sept. 22
Cold Case (CBS) Sept. 24
Cops (Fox) Sept. 9
Criminal Minds (CBS) Sept. 20
Crossing Jordan (NBC) Oct. 20
CSI (CBS) Sept. 21
CSI: Miami (CBS) Sept. 18
CSI: New York (CBS) Sept. 20
Dancing With The Stars (ABC) Sept. 12
Dateline (NBC) Sept. 23
Day Break (ABC) Nov. 15
Deal or No Deal (NBC) Sept. 18
Def Comedy Jam (HBO) Sept. 10
Desire (MyNet) Sept. 4
Desperate Housewives (ABC) Sept. 24
Dexter (Sho) Oct. 1
Doctor Who (SciFi) Sept. 29
Drawn Together (CC) Oct. 5
ER (NBC) Sept. 21
Everybody Hates Chris (CW) Oct. 1
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) Sept. 24
Family Guy (Fox) Sept. 10
Fashion House (MyNet) Sept. 4
48 Hours Mystery (CBS) Sept. 23
Freak Show (CC) Oct. 4
Friday Night Lights (NBC) Oct. 3
Game (CW) Oct. 1
George Lopez (ABC) Dec. 6
Ghost Whisperer (CBS) Sept. 22
Gilmore Girls (CW) Sept. 26
Girlfriends (CW) Oct. 1
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) Sept. 21
Happy Hour (Fox) Sept. 7
Help Me Help You (ABC) Sept. 26
Heroes (NBC) Sept. 25
Hogan Knows Best (VH1) Oct. 22
House (Fox) Sept. 5
House of Carters (E!) Oct. 2
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) Sept. 18
I Pity The Fool! (TVLand) Oct. 11
Ice T’s Rap School (VH1) Oct. 17
Jericho (CBS) Sept. 20
Justice (Fox) Aug. 30
Juvies (MTV) Sept. 4
Kidnapped (NBC) Sept. 20
King of the Hill (Fox) Dec. 3
Knights of Prosperity (ABC) Oct. 17
Las Vegas (NBC) Oct. 20
Law & Order (NBC) Sept. 22
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC) Sept. 19
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) Sept. 19
Lost (ABC) Oct. 4
Men in Trees (ABC) Sept. 12
MI:5 (A&E) Sept. 15
Million Dollar Listing (Bravo) Aug. 29
My Name is Earl (NBC) Sept. 21
Nanny 911 (Fox) Sept. 8
NCIS (CBS) Sept. 19
New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) Sept. 18
Nine (ABC) Oct. 4
Nip/Tuck (FX) Sept. 5
Numb3rs (CBS) Sept. 22
The OC (Fox) Nov. 2
Office (NBC) Sept. 21
One Tree Hill (CW) Sept. 27
Prison Break (Fox) Aug. 21
Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO) Aug. 25
Rome (HBO) Jan. 7
Runaway (CW) Sept. 25
7th Heaven (CW) Sept. 25
Shark (CBS) Sept. 21
The Shield (FX) Jan. 9
Simpsons (Fox) Sept. 10
Six Degrees (ABC) Sept. 21
60 Minutes (CBS) Sept. 24
Smallville (CW) Sept. 28
Smith (CBS) Sept. 19
South Park (CC) Oct. 4
Standoff (Fox) Sept. 5
Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip (NBC) Sept. 18
Supernanny (ABC) Dec. 4
Supernatural (CW) Sept. 28
Survivor (CBS) Sept. 14
Talk Show With Spike Feresten (Fox) Sept. 17
30 Rock (NBC) Oct. 11
‘Til Death (Fox) Sept. 7
TNA Impact! (Spike) Sept. 28
Trading Spouses (Fox) Oct. 6
24 (Fox) Jan. 7
20 Good Years (NBC) Oct. 4
20/20 (ABC) Sept. 8
Two and a Half Men (CBS) Sept. 18
Two-A-Days (MTV) Aug. 23
Ugly Betty (ABC) Sept. 28
The Underground (Sho) Sept. 14
Unit (CBS) Sept. 19
Vanished (Fox) Aug. 21
Veronica Mars (CW) Oct. 3
War at Home (Fox) Sept. 10
Watch Over Me (MyNet) Dec. 4
What About Brian (ABC) Oct. 9
Wife Swap (ABC) Sept. 18
Wire (HBO) Sept. 10
Without A Trace Sept. 24
WWE Smackdown (CW) Sept. 22

Premieres by date:
Prison Break (Fox) Aug. 21
Vanished (Fox) Aug. 21
Two-A-Days (MTV) Aug. 23
Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO) Aug. 25
Celebrity Duets (Fox) Aug. 29
Million Dollar Listing (Bravo) Aug. 29
Bones (Fox) Aug. 30
Justice (Fox) Aug. 30
Desire (MyNet) Sept. 4
Fashion House (MyNet) Sept. 4
Juvies (MTV) Sept. 4
House (Fox) Sept. 5
Nip/Tuck (FX) Sept. 5
Standoff (Fox) Sept. 5
‘Til Death (Fox) Sept. 7
Happy Hour (Fox) Sept. 7
Nanny 911 (Fox) Sept. 8
20/20 (ABC) Sept. 8
Cops (Fox) Sept. 9
America’s Most Wanted (Fox) Sept. 9
American Dad (Fox) Sept. 10
Def Comedy Jam (HBO) Sept. 10
Family Guy (Fox) Sept. 10
Simpsons (Fox) Sept. 10
War at Home (Fox) Sept. 10
Wire (HBO) Sept. 10
Dancing With The Stars (ABC) Sept. 12
Men in Trees (ABC) Sept. 12
Survivor (CBS) Sept. 14
The Underground (Sho) Sept. 14
MI:5 (A&E) Sept. 15
Amazing Race (CBS) Sept. 17
Talk Show With Spike Feresten (Fox) Sept. 17
Class (CBS) Sept. 18
CSI: Miami (CBS) Sept. 18
Deal or No Deal (NBC) Sept. 18
How I Met Your Mother (CBS) Sept. 18
New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS) Sept. 18
Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip (NBC) Sept. 18
Two and a Half Men (CBS) Sept. 18
Wife Swap (ABC) Sept. 18
Boston Legal (ABC) Sept. 19
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC) Sept. 19
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) Sept. 19
NCIS (CBS) Sept. 19
Smith (CBS) Sept. 19
Unit (CBS) Sept. 19
America’s Next Top Model (CW) Sept. 20
Biggest Loser (NBC) Sept. 20
Criminal Minds (CBS) Sept. 20
CSI: New York (CBS) Sept. 20
Jericho (CBS) Sept. 20
Kidnapped (NBC) Sept. 20
CSI (CBS) Sept. 21
ER (NBC) Sept. 21
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) Sept. 21
My Name is Earl (NBC) Sept. 21
Office (NBC) Sept. 21
Shark (CBS) Sept. 21
Six Degrees (ABC) Sept. 21
Close to Home (CBS) Sept. 22
Ghost Whisperer (CBS) Sept. 22
Law & Order (NBC) Sept. 22
Numb3rs (CBS) Sept. 22
WWE Smackdown (CW) Sept. 22
Dateline (NBC) Sept. 23
48 Hours Mystery (CBS) Sept. 23
Brothers & Sisters (ABC) Sept. 24
Cold Case (CBS) Sept. 24
Desperate Housewives (ABC) Sept. 24
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC) Sept. 24
60 Minutes (CBS) Sept. 24
Without A Trace Sept. 24
Heroes (NBC) Sept. 25
Runaway (CW) Sept. 25
7th Heaven (CW) Sept. 25
Gilmore Girls (CW) Sept. 26
Help Me Help You (ABC) Sept. 26
One Tree Hill (CW) Sept. 27
Smallville (CW) Sept. 28
Supernatural (CW) Sept. 28
TNA Impact! (Spike) Sept. 28
Ugly Betty (ABC) Sept. 28
Doctor Who (SciFi) Sept. 29
All Of Us (CW) Oct. 1
America’s Funniest Home Videos (ABC) Oct. 1
Campus Ladies (Oxy) Oct. 1
Dexter (Sho) Oct. 1
Everybody Hates Chris (CW) Oct. 1
Game (CW) Oct. 1
Girlfriends (CW) Oct. 1
Bachelor (ABC) Oct. 2
House of Carters (E!) Oct. 2
Friday Night Lights (NBC) Oct. 3
Veronica Mars (CW) Oct. 3
Freak Show (CC) Oct. 4
Lost (ABC) Oct. 4
Nine (ABC) Oct. 4
South Park (CC) Oct. 4
20 Good Years (NBC) Oct. 4
Drawn Together (CC) Oct. 5
Battlestar Galactica (SciFi) Oct. 6
Trading Spouses (Fox) Oct. 6
Bridezillas (WE) Oct. 8
What About Brian (ABC) Oct. 9
I Pity The Fool! (TVLand) Oct. 11
30 Rock (NBC) Oct. 11
Ice T’s Rap School (VH1) Oct. 17
Knights of Prosperity (ABC) Oct. 17
Crossing Jordan (NBC) Oct. 20
Las Vegas (NBC) Oct. 20
Breaking Bonaduce (VH1) Oct. 22
Hogan Knows Best (VH1) Oct. 22
The OC (Fox) Nov. 2
Day Break (ABC) Nov. 15
King of the Hill (Fox) Dec. 3
Art of Betrayal (MyNet) Dec. 4
Supernanny (ABC) Dec. 4
Watch Over Me (MyNet) Dec. 4
According To Jim (ABC) Dec. 6
George Lopez (ABC) Dec. 6
Rome (HBO) Jan. 7
24 (Fox) Jan. 7
The Shield (FX) Jan. 9
American Idol (Fox) Jan. 16

CHEAPEST ANGEL EVER!! Here’s what “Angel” season-sets cost you if you have to have them right now:
$44.88 Angel: The Complete First Season
$44.88 Angel: The Complete Second Season
$44.88 Angel: The Complete Third Season
$44.88 Angel: The Complete Fourth Season
$44.88 Angel: The Complete Fifth Season

Here’s what “Angel” season-sets – with all the same extras and commentaries but without the pain-in-the-hinder fold-out packaging - cost you if you order now but can wait till Nov. 28 for delivery:
$27.99 Angel: The Complete First Season Slimset
$27.99 Angel: The Complete Second Season Slimset
$27.99 Angel: The Complete Third Season Slimset
$27.99 Angel: The Complete Fourth Season Slimset
$27.99 Angel: The Complete Fifth Season Slimset